Bad Baby Name of the Week

I think I might have to end my weekly Bad Baby Name post streak at two, because this week’s is so bad I don’t think it can ever be topped.

The list of names started off badly enough, with Paychence as the first name. Poor girl, having to go through life knowing her parents were morons. Krystynn was in the list. Replacing one vowel with a y should be a misdemeanour, replacing two should be a felony. Camrenn was in there too, and it’s the name of a boy. Yes, I know that Cameron can be a perfectly good boy’s name, but only when it’s spelled Cameron. Then again, his other given names were Dinan and Llaguno.

Then there was the unholy trio of Jhace, Wylder, and Jayke, and I thought I had my Bad Baby Names.

But six names from the end of the list came the champion. The bad baby name to end all bad baby names. La creme de la creme. The absolute pinnacle (or nadir, depending on your point of view) of bad baby names.

Are you ready for it? Brace yourselves. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Abcde.

That’s the name.

Abcde.

I’m not making this up.

Abcde.

I’m sure we’ve all heard the stories of immigrant mothers with a tenuous grasp of the English language naming their kid “Nosmo King” because of the “No Smoking” sign they saw in the hospital. There’s also stories of kids being named Chlamydia or Gonorrhea because it “sounded pretty”.

But Abcde?

I mean, how do you pronounce it? “Ab-kuh-duh”? Do you actually speak each letter in turn?

And why in God’s name would you even name your kid this? Bastardizing a pre-existing name is understandable enough, but the first five letters of the alphabet? What the hell is wrong with people?

This entry was posted on 22 March 2005, 12:12 am and is filed under Bad Baby Names. You can follow any responses to this entry through RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

#1 by kandonkia on 04 April 2011 - 1:22 pm

Abcde? Why stop there?

Hijklm (pronounced “Heckulm”)
Nopqr (pronounced “Noppker”)
Tuvwxy (pronounced “Twicksie”)
Cdefghi (pronounced “Seedeffy”) (the “gh” is pronounced like the “f” sound in “cough”)

“Lexus” and “Infiniti” are fine names, but what about Yugo and Beetle and Pinto? We all need to stretch out a little, come up with something really original.

My kids are named Toaster Oven and Blender. Our third, due in June, will be called Macchina de Espresso.

Quote

#2 by Lgirl on 27 May 2011 - 11:29 am

Evidently it’s pronounces ab-city.
Datmouth NS had on ages 13.

#3 by its me on 02 August 2011 - 8:31 pm

its pronounced uh be suh day

the be sounds like it does in bed

#4 by Imjustsaying on 31 August 2011 - 4:18 am

u_r_illiterate :

Kishon :
all ya niggas namin ya babies abcde is trippin. Ya niggas gets some real names like Tyrone or Kisha. Da crack hoe namin dat baby be dumb bitch fo real. what it is namin bitchs afta lettes and shit.

Do you realize how stupid you sound? Where do you get off calling someone else stupid? Have you read your post? Not only are you ghetto as hell and illiterate, the names you listed are hood rat names. You say the girl is stupid for naming her kid after letters, which by the way makes no sense at all, but the names you suggested are far worse. Besides, Abcde sounds better than Shaniqua or some other ghetto as name or idiodic spelling (like Kynadeigh for Kennedy). So there…that’s “what it is”. You should right yourself a note to read what you post before you post it so you don’t make yourself look like a dumbass. The “looking like a dumbass” probably comes easy to you, I bet. I guess you can’t fix stupid.

OK, OK, OK…..ya’ll need to get a grip….Let’s all name our kids after STD’s (that’s sexually transmitted diseases for thos that are non English speaking). Clamidia? OH, let’s try a-a and prounce it adasha….or shithead…and pronounce it shi-thade….WTF is wrong with you freaks? This IS child abuse….Kids WILL become suicidal after being tortured by their peers for having ridiculous names!

#5 by Imjustsaying on 31 August 2011 - 4:20 am

kandonkia :
Abcde? Why stop there?
Hijklm (pronounced “Heckulm”)
Nopqr (pronounced “Noppker”)
Tuvwxy (pronounced “Twicksie”)
Cdefghi (pronounced “Seedeffy”) (the “gh” is pronounced like the “f” sound in “cough”)
“Lexus” and “Infiniti” are fine names, but what about Yugo and Beetle and Pinto? We all need to stretch out a little, come up with something really original.
My kids are named Toaster Oven and Blender. Our third, due in June, will be called Macchina de Espresso.

I FREAKIN’ LOVE IT! Thanks for the chuckle!

#6 by Imjustsaying on 31 August 2011 - 4:25 am

Catherine :
OK, Olivia you are doing your child a great injustice by giving her such a ridiculous name. In the corporate world, if we receive a resume with the name ‘Abcd’e Smith’, that resume will be trashed. I deal the vendors all over the United States and we actually have chatised a mother who would do this to her child. Your daughter will be made fun of for sure. I don’t believe the beginning of the alphabet is appropriate for a first name. When my office was informed that there is actually a child with that name, we all laughed until our stomachs hurt. I hope that when your Abcd’e turns 18, she will CHANGE it.

Absolutely! I would never even THINK to interview someone like that b/c you gotta think they were raised by someone “not so bright”! How bout the name a-a? pronounced “Adasha”…yep, its real!

#7 by Imjustsaying on 31 August 2011 - 4:31 am

Olivia :
Well, although it is rather disappointing for Abcde to be looked down upon in the political world, they’re all a bunch of paranoid yuppies anyway.
regardless, Abcde is STILL my preferred baby name, and although I haven’t had her yet, Abcde will be my daughter, i’ll love her, and she’ll just have to be strong enough to deal with teasing.
i’ll call her abbie. (:

Are you strong enough to deal with the depression she will suffer? Are you ready to deal with a daughter who is potentially suicidal b/c all of the kids in school call her something like……alphabet girl? WTF??? Let’s call you…… Drater….. can u figure THAT one out?

#8 by Me on 05 September 2011 - 1:13 am

We are adopting a little girl who was named Absidy. I thought it was a bit different and was surprised when I googled it and it came up as ABCDE. We call her Abby and will be changing it to Abigail. For this very reason, look at all the negativity around those letters! I agree that an employer typically passes by ‘unique’ names. I’m not saying that is appropriate, but it’s what humans do. I also think it’s I interesting that both the CPS case worker and two other social workers with foster care program said that they see many kids named ABCDE in CPS custody.
My mom tortured me with a unique spelling to an average name. I hate it. Always having to correct folks. Double checking after someone writes it because they tend to spell it the normal way. I also know someone who purposely named her son Micheal instead of Michael just to be different. He hates it. Yes we are all unique and having a different name is fine in some cases. You just need to really consider how your child will feel and how they will be treated.

#9 by spdykd5 on 24 September 2011 - 12:40 pm

haha absidy or obesity?

#10 by Abcde Grace on 14 October 2011 - 8:44 am

Uhmm yes my name is abcde. I am 17 years old. Not many peoe have made fun of me. And learning the alphabet was quiet easy I would say. Considering I had the first five letters down. I love my name and noone could ever forget me. Thanks mom for my name. I love IT(:

#11 by Ms. Canspice on 14 October 2011 - 11:19 am

Too bad learning the alphabet didn’t teach you grammar or how to spell.

#12 by Abcde's parents on 16 October 2011 - 9:07 pm

Yes my daughters name is ABCDE .. and yes you all have something to say. and yes I dont give a shit about your stupid idiotic meanings or understandings.
BECAUSE you dont know how to pronounce it and because you live in BUTTFUCK nowhwere and because you have loser jobs and make NO money, you all feel you have a right to talk shit…

#13 by Abcde on 10 November 2011 - 9:34 pm

STOP!!! You GUYS!!! SHut the frick up!!! You are all SO MEAN! Who do you think you are, Jesus? Only God Can Judge me, and Yes My name is Abcde. Who are you to Judge me? HUH!?!?!?!? Why don’t you go crawl into a black hole and die somewhere !!! Yall are going to make me cry! You guys just LOVE to post crap about Bullies, LOOK AT WTF UR DOING RIGHT NOW!!! I FRIKIN HATE YOU! UGH go jack-off, you gay fagot!

#14 by La-La on 30 November 2011 - 6:39 pm

Ya mean. When i had my baby i namd her abcde cuz it a beatiful nam. My mamaaa named me La-La cuz she like it. Wat wrongs wit namin ya babys what u want?

My babe dady wated to make her name surenite but I think abcde is bettaer.

#15 by Teachers on 30 November 2011 - 6:45 pm

As a teacher, I find it horrific people name their children outlandish names.

I have a hell of a time trying to pronounce half my students’ names.

My husband, who is also a teacher, agrees with me.

I have a student whose name is Samus. Seriously? They named their daughter after a video game character?

#16 by Ms. Canspice on 06 December 2011 - 12:04 pm

Teachers :
As a teacher, I find it horrific people name their children outlandish names.
I have a hell of a time trying to pronounce half my students’ names.
My husband, who is also a teacher, agrees with me.
I have a student whose name is Samus. Seriously? They named their daughter after a video game character?

Actually that’s kind of awesome!

#17 by COMMON SENCE on 26 December 2011 - 2:37 pm

all of yall are some jackoffs critisizion a person for having a name or naming there baby that!!!! IT IS A FLIPIN FREE COUNTRY! WHO GIVES A FUCK?!!!! people have the right to name there baby what ever they want!!!! yall have way to much time on your hands!!!! get a d**** life! stop sweating small shit like this!!!! and to ”Mrs. Canspice” what kind of coment is that? oh yeah im
going to change my babies name just so his/her teacher can read it?!?! NOOOO! MOVE ON!

#18 by COMMON SENCE on 26 December 2011 - 2:41 pm

Abcde’s parents :Yes my daughters name is ABCDE .. and yes you all have something to say. and yes I dont give a shit about your stupid idiotic meanings or understandings.BECAUSE you dont know how to pronounce it and because you live in BUTTFUCK nowhwere and because you have loser jobs and make NO money, you all feel you have a right to talk shit…

you go!!!! amen!!!!….Amen hummm…. i might just name my baby that! i wonder what uneducated comments they will make about that!!!!

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