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This week’s crop of bad baby names isn’t nearly as good as last week’s, and there’s no clear-cut winner, but I managed to pare it down to one bad baby name.

This week there was only one misspelled name, and that was Dheryl. I have to wonder if the parents were expecting to have a girl and name her Cheryl but instead were surprised by the kid having a penis and deciding that Bheryl was a stupid name for a boy.

There was only one misdemeanour of Gratuitous Use of Apostrophes, and that was for a kid named Ke’egan. Normally these misdemeanours don’t apply in Hilo because Hawaiian names often have okinas in them that are printed as apostrophes in the paper (an example in this week’s list is La’akea, which is a perfectly acceptable name). However, Ke’egan isn’t a Hawaiian name, it’s just Keegan with an apostrophe. Hell, there isn’t a ‘g’ in the Hawaiian alphabet.

But the winner for this week goes to a kid named Hemi. Clearly the parents are fans of fuckoff-powerful engines, which results in a rather unfortunate name for their child. The worst part? Hemi, in this case, is a girl. Any comments about whether this girl can pull a boat or, I dunno, some raunchy remark about Rams and driving and possibly stick shifts, those comments will be summarily ignored. But encouraged, of course. :-)