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A bit of a breakout this time around. The Tribune-Herald not only publishes names of babies that are born in the previous week, they also publish marriages. I usually skip reading marriages because they’re full of boring names like Ryan or Melissa or James, but luckily Frossie yelled at me as I passed her office today to point out a couple of doozies. This week’s submission is all her fault. :-)

First, column A, births. This week’s winner obviously has a dad who’s into sports and a mom who knows better than dear old dad. The kid’s first name is Mandy, a nice sensible name. Her middle name is Espn, a nice Bad Baby Name. I don’t know if it’s actually supposed to be ESPN or pronounced “Espin”, but either way it’s stupid. Her last name is Race, so that gives her the eloquent moniker of “Mandy Espn Race”.

Second, column B, marriages. Clearly the superheroes have forgotten the whole “secret identity” thing, because sometime last week Kristen Lindsey married Perfecto Ganancial. Perfecto! You can just imagine the guy standing at the altar in yellow tights, black spandex top with billowing cape, his fists on his hips, his manly jaw thrusting out in defiance of some unseen foe, and with a steely gaze upon his face while he proclaims to the audience, “I AM PERFECTO! TREMBLE BENEATH MY GAZE! What’s that? Richer or poorer? I DO! I AM PERFECTO!”

Here’s hoping the wedding cake wasn’t made of kryptonite, Perfecto!

With Kobe Bryant’s recent 81-point game, there’s been all kinds of talk about selfish play and showboating and sportsmanship. Basketball is a team game yes, but there have always been standout players that occasionally score well above their average. Bryan isn’t the most selfish player in the league — witness his behaviour during a game against the Dallas Mavericks. Los Angeles was up by 30 going into the fourth quarter, Bryant had 62 points. Lakers coach Phil Jackson asked Bryant if he wanted to go for the LA franchise record of points in a game, but Bryant stayed out of the game for the fourth quarter. In his 81-point game, he was bringing the Lakers back from a 15-point deficit.

Enter a story out of girls’ high-school basketball. The former record of points scored in a game was held by Cheryl Miller, who scored 105 in her senior year. This record was recently broken when a girl playing for the number two ranked team in the nation scored 113 in an incredible display of poor sportsmanship. The final score in the game was 137-32. There is absolutely no reason why any player in this game needed to stay in after scoring more than 40 points. To have her stay in and rack up 113 points is completely unnecessary and the finest display of poor sportsmanship I’ve ever seen. If I was the opposing coach I would have either refused to put my team on the court for the second half, or I’d pull a Sinden and have one of my players break the high-scorer’s ankle or something.

But what does this have to do with Bad Baby Names?

The girl who scored 113 points is named Epiphanny Prince. And that’s the worst thing about this sad story.