canspice.org

A bit of a breakout this time around. The Tribune-Herald not only publishes names of babies that are born in the previous week, they also publish marriages. I usually skip reading marriages because they’re full of boring names like Ryan or Melissa or James, but luckily Frossie yelled at me as I passed her office today to point out a couple of doozies. This week’s submission is all her fault. :-)

First, column A, births. This week’s winner obviously has a dad who’s into sports and a mom who knows better than dear old dad. The kid’s first name is Mandy, a nice sensible name. Her middle name is Espn, a nice Bad Baby Name. I don’t know if it’s actually supposed to be ESPN or pronounced “Espin”, but either way it’s stupid. Her last name is Race, so that gives her the eloquent moniker of “Mandy Espn Race”.

Second, column B, marriages. Clearly the superheroes have forgotten the whole “secret identity” thing, because sometime last week Kristen Lindsey married Perfecto Ganancial. Perfecto! You can just imagine the guy standing at the altar in yellow tights, black spandex top with billowing cape, his fists on his hips, his manly jaw thrusting out in defiance of some unseen foe, and with a steely gaze upon his face while he proclaims to the audience, “I AM PERFECTO! TREMBLE BENEATH MY GAZE! What’s that? Richer or poorer? I DO! I AM PERFECTO!”

Here’s hoping the wedding cake wasn’t made of kryptonite, Perfecto!