On Bandit.


We’ve got two cats, Aki and Bandit. Also known as Peabrain and Beachball. Bandit was a stray — our neighbours at our last house left her behind when they moved out. She’s gone from running away at the sight of humans to surgically attaching herself to your foot. She bodychecks you when she wants pets. She yells at you when she wants pets. If you walk into a room she’s in and you’re not petting her within three seconds, she miaous at you to demands pets.

And for a stray she’s fat. 23 pounds at last weighing. The bag of cat food gives recommended amounts of feeding depending on weight — 20 pounds is the highest it goes. She announces her presence by stomping across the floor. One night she got up on the kitchen table. I couldn’t squirt her with the water bottle (Aki’s least favourite training technique) because I was afraid she’d hurt herself jumping down. The vet found it amusing when Alice called her “Beachball”.

She has this amazing ability to throw hair. She doesn’t shed, she throws. It gets everywhere. Even if you don’t come within 10 feet of her you’ll still find hair on your shirt. No matter how often we brush her she still has more. We’ve brushed enough off her to make at least a cat a week.

Bandit woke me up this morning. Not through the usual cat techniques of sitting on your chest or miaouing. She woke me up by cleaning. She kept missing her front leg, so she ended up licking the bedspread. The noise travelled through the bed, through my pillow, and into my ear.

And she’s just reattached herself to my foot and is demanding pets.

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