…by His Noodly Appendage.
For some reason Nevaeh has become a popular baby name. My theory is that the United States has become Bizarroland after 2000. Republicans spending the shit out of things? Bombing people to liberate them? Spelling names backwards? It’s all completely wrong!
And that wrongness continues in the fine town of Hilo, where one little boy was born. His name is Adnilam. Malinda backwards. Why would anybody possibly think that Adnilam is a good name? It’s a completely nonsensical retarded name that also sounds suspiciously like a medication.
“Do you have bowel control problems? Are your stools loose and watery? If so, ask your doctor about Adnilam.”
Why?
“Gassy Jack” by The Evaporators, featuring Nardwuar The Human Serviette as Guardian.
I missed a couple of names from this week’s bumper crop of Bad Baby Names. They’re bad enough that they warrant a new post.
First, and this is a little boy’s middle name: Knyte-Sky. Why? Why would you do this?
And the next one would be okay if they discovered the hyphen. Which they didn’t, so they had to name their boy Davidalan.
Monday, my wife called me from home. “Brad! You’re going to love the paper today! It’s got a present for you!”
Monday, a coworker came into my office. “Brad! The paper! Bad baby names!”
Loyal readers, this week is a week to end all weeks. Bad Baby Names have hit a new high. Not just in quality, but quantity. Let’s go!
Starting off the parade is the Z crew: Zarek, Zayden, Zhairae, and Zayna. Zarek is especially good, as his last name is Lee, and his penultimate name is Love. Yes, that’s right, Zarek Love Lee. Such a lovely name… FOR ME TO POOP ON. And seriously, Zhairae?
Following along is the K crew: Kairelljade, Kynaston, and Kaezen.
The next name is unique, and bad, and horrible, and the name of a future alcoholic: Chardanay Unique. I mean come on, naming your kid after a type of wine? And spelling it horribly? And giving her a “Unique” second name? I know it’s wrong to shake a baby, but how about shaking parents? Would that be so wrong?
Titus isn’t a good name to give to a baby. Luckily his middle name wasn’t Andronicus.
Daemein isn’t a good name to give to a baby. Hopefully the kid grows up in a house filled with dictionaries and encyclopedias. Given the apparent intelligence level of his parents, I find this highly unlikely.
Oh man, the hits just keep coming. Chaysten. Alyxi. ReiLey. Eddie Jr. Yes, Jr. is his middle name.
But the real winner this week is Xzavyer. The name that prompted two people to come to me and proclaim that this was a truly horrible name. Xzavyer. Behold its horridness. Xzavyer.
