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Monday, my wife called me from home. “Brad! You’re going to love the paper today! It’s got a present for you!”

Monday, a coworker came into my office. “Brad! The paper! Bad baby names!”

Loyal readers, this week is a week to end all weeks. Bad Baby Names have hit a new high. Not just in quality, but quantity. Let’s go!

Starting off the parade is the Z crew: Zarek, Zayden, Zhairae, and Zayna. Zarek is especially good, as his last name is Lee, and his penultimate name is Love. Yes, that’s right, Zarek Love Lee. Such a lovely name… FOR ME TO POOP ON. And seriously, Zhairae?

Following along is the K crew: Kairelljade, Kynaston, and Kaezen.

The next name is unique, and bad, and horrible, and the name of a future alcoholic: Chardanay Unique. I mean come on, naming your kid after a type of wine? And spelling it horribly? And giving her a “Unique” second name? I know it’s wrong to shake a baby, but how about shaking parents? Would that be so wrong?

Titus isn’t a good name to give to a baby. Luckily his middle name wasn’t Andronicus.

Daemein isn’t a good name to give to a baby. Hopefully the kid grows up in a house filled with dictionaries and encyclopedias. Given the apparent intelligence level of his parents, I find this highly unlikely.

Oh man, the hits just keep coming. Chaysten. Alyxi. ReiLey. Eddie Jr. Yes, Jr. is his middle name.

But the real winner this week is Xzavyer. The name that prompted two people to come to me and proclaim that this was a truly horrible name. Xzavyer. Behold its horridness. Xzavyer.