canspice.org

Good news everybody! The Trib, after not publishing their Vital Statistics column for a couple of months, published a whopper of one today. The first three baby names in the list were, and I’m not kidding, Shawntel, Kirra, and Tayvin. And it goes downhill from there!

Bowson is perhaps the least horrible of the names you’re going to read about today. It’s still a bad name, though. Was this kid’s father’s name Bow? Was he really a Duke of Hazzard? Alas, the Vital Statistics column doesn’t provide any sort of useful information.

Next up comes Iycen. Iy don’t know what to say about Iycen, only that Iy know that iyt’s a pretty bad name.

It’s not nearly as bad as Jacelynn, though. Or Daehlee. Or Shayston.

But this week’s winner has to be little Dhymenz. I can just picture the scene in six years…

Teacher: “Diamonds are really hard rocks, and they’re very valuable. You spell it D-I-A-M-O-N-D.”
Dhymenz: “But my name sounds like diamonds, why is it spelled D-H-Y-M-E-N-Z?”
Teacher: “Because your parents are fucking morons.”