We kick things off with our traditional bog-standard Bad Baby Names: Kolten, Dicen (Dicen? Seriously?), Jaisyn, and Eliezer.

Moving swiftly on, we find little Chevelyn. I think this little girl has a mom who liked the name Evelyn (which is a nice name) and a dad who liked Chevy. I also think this little girl has a set of parents who are idiots.

As a prospective father, one bit of advice I’ve received regarding trying to come up with a name for our kid is “think like a seven-year old and come up with nicknames.” Airey’s parents didn’t use this rule. Come on, Airey Fairy? That’s an obvious one. I’m sure my readers can come up with more. And besides, Airey is a stupid hippie name anyhow.

Little Azalea Rose’s parents must really like flowers.

I can’t understand why you would want to name your child Dynasty.

I can’t understand why you would want to name your child Princess. It’s cute when she’s two years old… Strike that, it’s nauseating when she’s two years old. When she’s fifteen it’s just imbecilic.

Last but not least comes little Goretti. Sounds like an Italian mobster. Not really the image you want associated with your little girl. Oh hey, doing a little searching finds me St. Maria Goretti, who was stabbed to death by her attempted rapist. When she was eleven. And she lived for twenty days until succumbing to her injuries.

Charming name to give your kid.

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