Stop the Hawaii Family Forum — support civil unions in Hawaii


Three bills have been introduced to the Hawaii State Legislature (HB444, HB878, and SB458) that would allow civil unions between same-sex partners. House Bill 444 has a large number of sponsors in the Legislature, and on Thursday the House Judicial Committee recommended that it be passed.

While it’s about time that this sort of thing get passed in Hawaii, it’s not without its detractors. Take, for example, Hawaii Family Forum. As I said on Twitter, you can tell when an organization is stuck in the 1950s when it has “Family” in its name. Hawaii Family Forum is a fine example. As I found out yesterday* Hawaii Family Forum and the Roman Catholic Church (big surprise) are urging constituents to call their elected officials to get them to vote against the civil union bills.

Well, okay, they have every right to do so. But let’s look at their talking points on civil unions:

The people have spoken. In 1998, the people of Hawaii sent a clear message that marriage in Hawaii must remain between one man and one woman. Civil unions are just another attempt to thwart the will of the people. This civil union proposal is an attempt to legitimize gay marriage simply by using another title. The people have also spoken through their representatives in reaching the artful compromise that established Hawaii’s reciprocal beneficiary law. The law achieved the goal of providing benefits – without basing those benefits on the ill-advised sex-partner status test. The people of Hawaii have put these issues behind them. The legislature should not re-open divisive, controversial battles that have already been settled by the people.

This refers to Article I, Section 23 of the Hawaii State Constitution which reads, “The legislature shall have the power to reserve marriage to opposite-sex couples.” The counter-argument to this is one of the arguments that the “no gay marriage” crowd sometimes trots out: civil unions aren’t marriage. Here’s how that argument goes: “We don’t want gay people to get married because marriage is a sacred institution. Why can’t gay people have civil unions instead?”

Besides, laws are enacted with specific language and wording for a reason: to make things clearer. In the eyes of the law, only gay marriage is banned in Hawaii. Gay civil unions aren’t.

Hawaii already has a reciprocal beneficiary law. In 1997 the Reciprocal Beneficiary Act HRS §572C (RBA) became law. This law allows two persons who are legally prohibited from marrying one another under state law to register their reciprocal beneficiary relationship by filing a notarized declaration with the state director of health. The RBA affords reciprocal beneficiaries certain rights that previously were reserved to spouses, for example, standing to sue for wrongful death and other tort claims, rights to an elective share upon death, authority to make health care decisions, rights to workers’ compensation benefits, rights to receive payments of wages on the death of an employee, and rights to family leave under state law.

This is quite true. However, it doesn’t afford gay couples the same rights as straight couples. As Hawaii Family Forum points out, it only affords certain rights and not equal rights.

Do we want to save the “name” of marriage, or do we want to save “marriage?” Civil unions, same-sex marriages, and domestic partnerships have the same effect of destroying marriage as we know it. When governments offer sex-partner benefits, they are essentially endorsing “gay marriage.” These sex-partner benefits send the message of government sanction of such relationships and take us one short step away from legalizing “marriage” between two people of the same sex. Marriage by any other name is still marriage.

I don’t actually see an argument against civil unions here, other than the vapid “civil unions… have the same effect of destroying marriage as we know it.” The best counter-argument to this talking point is “so?”

This points to their first point, where gay marriage is banned in the State Contitution. Well, unfortunately for the discriminatory voters back then, they didn’t allow for a broader definition of the word “marriage”.

Those who would redefine marriage often insist that the only necessary qualification for marriage is “love.” Yet if one accepts that rationale, then there can logically be no boundaries as to what constitutes marriage; any combination or number of consenting individuals must ultimately gain the same legal and societal sanction as traditional marriage. While love is vital, it is not the definitional element of marriage. We love many people we do not marry.

This is part of the “slippery slope” argument that usually goes something like “if we allow gay marriage then we’ll have to allow polygamists to marry and we’ll have to allow people to marry their dogs and we’ll have to allow people to marry trees and oh god it’s all so horrible.” Well, no. See, polygamy is a choice. Bestiality is a choice. Being gay isn’t. There’s no slippery slope here, you just have to stop discrimination against people for being what they are. Banning polygamy is banning a lifestyle choice, and homosexuality isn’t a choice. See, there’s a difference here.

Besides, people marry for reasons other than love all the time.

Marriage is not an American invention. It has existed as an institution since the beginning of civilization, and thus transcends our modern laws. Every long-standing society has viewed marriage as a union of male and female. Studies of previous civilizations reveal that when societies deviate from the standard of marriage as the foundation of its society, they inevitably deteriorate and eventually disintegrate.

Slavery was around before the United States came along, and the US banned that. Human sacrifice was around before the United States came along, and the US banned that. Discrimination towards gay people was around before the United States came along, and it’s about time that something was done about banning that too.

I for one would like to see some of these studies mentioned in this talking point. Especially those that make a direct link between deviations from the standard of marriage and the downfall of society.

Traditional marriage and family should not be undermined. The data are clear and irrefutable – children do best in stable, healthy homes with both a mom and dad. Hawaii’s children must have healthy examples. Today, with 25 million children fatherless, it is callous to the extreme to be rewriting our most basic marriage laws to suit the desires of adults.

This argument never made any sense to me. “Heterosexual people suck at marriage, therefore homosexual people can’t do it.” Maybe Hawaii Family Forum should concentrate on getting heteros to stay together in marriage instead of spreading more seeds of discrimination against homos?

People should not be granted special legal protection and benefits based on their sexual preferences and behaviors.

The “sexual preferences” fallacy aside, I actually agree with this. Therefore I think Hawaii Family Forum will join me in calling for an end to special legal protection and benefits for heterosexual couples. Why should heteros get special rights that not everybody can have? That’s what special rights are, rights afforded to one group but not another! Ban straight marriage!

Oh, is that not their argument? Then I still agree with them, there should be no special rights for certain groups, so let’s give everybody the same rights!

Because that’s what this is all about: equal rights. What happened to the Declaration of Independence?

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Are all men not created equal? Are you only equal if you like penis-in-vagina? I don’t remember reading that clause anywhere.

If you’re at all concerned about equal rights, speak out against Hawaii Family Forum and other discriminatory groups like them. Speak out in favour of equal rights legislation in your State Legislatures.

* I’d originally linked to the Twitter post where I found out about Hawaii Family Forum and its stance on civil unions, but on request of that post’s author I’ve removed their name and the link to the post.

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  1. #1 by Geof F. Morris on 07 February 2009 - 2:02 pm

    Brad: I generally agree. The only thing I’d use to “argue” here is that many/most polygamists don’t argue choice for polygamy, but rather religious doctrine. [Can you hear my teeth grinding?] But other than that … it’s just a civil rights issue. I certainly believe in marriage as a sacred institution, but people can and often do get married outside of the Church’s sanction—and for me, legally, that’s just fine!

  2. #2 by asdflkik on 17 February 2009 - 3:09 pm

    Here is where Brad’s argument reveals his fallacy:

    “Well, no. See, polygamy is a choice. Bestiality is a choice. Being gay isn’t.”

  3. #3 by Brad on 17 February 2009 - 3:48 pm

    You’re saying polygamy and bestiality aren’t choices?

  4. #4 by asdflkik on 17 February 2009 - 4:05 pm

    no more or less than homosexuality. Every time a person decides to engage in sexual activity it is a choice. The person can do it or not do it. It is the action that makes one homosexual.

  5. #5 by Brad on 17 February 2009 - 4:22 pm

    So you’d then be okay if two men got married as long as they didn’t have sex? Because in your definition they’re not gay because they’re not having gay sex. After all, “it is the action that makes one homosexual”, and if they’re not engaging in any kind of sexual activity, then they’re not homosexual.

  6. #6 by asdflkik on 17 February 2009 - 4:40 pm

    That is correct, they are not homosexual. But, the marriage laws require married partners not be too young, to closely related by marriage, not already married or the same sex.

  7. #7 by asdflkik on 17 February 2009 - 4:40 pm

    not too closely related by blood, sorry

  8. #8 by Brad on 17 February 2009 - 4:55 pm

    True, but that’s not a reason for not changing the law. “The law says this therefore you can’t change it.” That’s your argument in a nutshell, and with that argument no law would ever get overturned or modified.

  9. #9 by Henry Horton on 23 February 2009 - 1:44 pm

    Aloha Brad, Re. marriage and legality: At the end of every religious marriage ceremony the celebrant says “By the power and authority of the state of (fill in the blank) I now pronounce you husband and wife” (or words to that effect.) Therefore the entity that grants legality and thus all the rights and resposibilities of the marriage bond is the civil authority and not the religious. So all legal marriages are civil unions. Guess when the fundies realize this they will move to eliminate marriage liscences and the interference of the state in HOLY MATRIMONY! Yikes! Actually some already do…see Dear Abbey from last week (Wed or thurs, I think!

  10. #10 by James Pollard on 23 February 2009 - 4:11 pm

    I just love it when gays through out that whole entire “I’m born this way” kind of argument. Nope sorry, I know too many former gays (both male and female) who have gone straight, not because of any religious doctrine or anti-gay brainwashing scheme, but simply because they have learned that it goes against the natural order of things. Whether you believe that God, Allah, Buddha or Darwin created us, this is a simple fact – two men or two women do not and cannot propagate our species. And please, spare us the lecture on frogs. If you want to compare yourself to a frog, then go ahead, but know that you’re just making yourself look silly. Polygamy is a choice, beastiality is a choice, celibacy is a choice, and most certainly homosexuality is a choice.

  11. #11 by Brad on 23 February 2009 - 4:29 pm

    @James Pollard
    I didn’t realize that you had to be married in order to procreate, and for that matter, that procreation is a necessary output of marriage. Many heterosexual couples get married and do not have children — does this void their marriages?

  12. #12 by James Pollard on 23 February 2009 - 9:27 pm

    Sorry Brad, you need to read what people write more closely. I did not even mention marriage. I’m just stating a very obvious, factual, and fundamental truth of our existence – homosexuality does not propagate our species. And no, homosexual sex is not procreating. If you don’t believe me, find a dictionary.

  13. #13 by Brad on 24 February 2009 - 8:47 am

    @James Pollard
    You left a comment about gay people on a post that has to do with gay marriage. Forgive me for assuming you were talking about gay marriage.

    And if you’re not talking about gay marriage, what are you doing here? You just don’t like gay people and felt you had to express yourself?

  14. #14 by Ms. Canspice on 24 February 2009 - 8:54 am

    James there are actually some studies coming out that suggest that people who are gay are born that way due to genetic differences and different hormonal balances naturally present in their brains. I fully admit that some of these studies are controversial and all of them seem to be agenda driven but I think over time we are going to discover that being born gay is the way someone is meant to be.

    http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn3008-homosexuality-is-biological-suggests-gay-sheep-study.html

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21309724/

    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/275425_gay27.html

    And realistically given the over-population and lack of resources already in the world should propagating our species really be our be our main focus?

  15. #15 by James Pollard on 24 February 2009 - 11:07 am

    I apologize Brad if I poked a sore spot with you, I was merely responding to one of your earlier comments about “being born this way” and how you don’t have a choice. An ancient emperor of Rome once said, “Our lives are as our thoughts make it.” I believe this is true. Cross the road, or don’t cross the road. Look at someone’s okole, don’t look at someone’s okole, that’s still a choice too, isn’t it?

    On the contrary, some of my best friends are gay. I do not dislike them as people at all. I may not agree with their choice of lifestyle, but total agreement is not a criteria to determine friendship, right?

    Thank you for the articles, Ms.Canspice, they were quite informative. Forgive me for saying so, but I do agree with you that they do seem a tad forced. I was reminded of similar studies put out by the tobacco industry saying that smoking isn’t harmful. Of course a gay scientist is going to want to prove his/her point. I’m just leery of any research involving animals. Think about it. Have you ever been around sheep? Been to a sheep farm? Sheep are some of the stupidest creatures on this planet. They have the brain capacity of an inchworm, all instinctive, no real cognitive thinking ability at all. Zero. I would hope that everyone on this planet has more esteem for themselves than looking towards gay sheep, dogs, or frogs for vindication.

    Perhaps you are right though, Ms.Canspice, about the over-population comment though. I do believe though that our Mother Earth has the capacity to take care of us all, provided that we as human beings try harder to limit our greed and take care of her. So much of our planet is squandered and rendered useless because of human failure, not because of incapacity. But yes, at the moment, resources around the world are tight, and this situation isn’t likely to change anytime soon.

    Ok, I know this is long. One last comment for Brad. Everyone is entitled to a personal opinion. You may find people more receptive to yours if you’re not so hostile to those whom you disagree with. That “discriminatory” sword cuts both ways.

  16. #16 by Kamaki 'Ulana on 25 February 2009 - 11:54 am

    Friend of mine was puzzling over catholic church opposition to gay marriage…I suggested it may be because that would reduce their pool of potential clergy?!?

  17. #17 by Equality Hawaii on 27 February 2009 - 11:36 pm

    Great post, very thorough. Thanks for all the great info.

  18. #18 by Ku'ualoha on 01 July 2009 - 8:53 pm

    Ok so im female, straight and raised catholic. I have tons of gay friends and i adore them.. i in no way look down on them or think im better than them, but i DO think homosexuality is a sin… that being said i also sin on a daily basis. Humans sin.. God knows this, he created us this way. I think its wrong for people to judge people for who they choose to be with since its God place to judge and none of us are sinless. I choose to love people for who they are, not their sins or choices in life for i wouldnt want to be judged for my choices! —- i have a question: marriage was created by the church as a union in front of God between a man and a woman.. being that homosexuality is a sin, the church cant be expected to condone nor unite sin in front of God. Ok so my thoughts are this.. most gay couples arguements for wanting to get married is that they want the same legal rights as married couples right? Although i have gay friends who admit that they also want their relationship to be blessed by God.. thats not really gonna happen! Homosexuality is a sin.. period! I know that premarital sex is a sin, and im not demanding me and my boyfriends sexual endeavors be blessed by God because obviously i know its a sin. So if what gay couples want is the same legal rights as straight couples, im all for that! They SHOULD be able to be in the hospital room of their dying partners, they SHOULD be able to get file joint taxes etc. there should be a legal union other than marriage in which gay couples can have a non religious ceremony of unity and in which they would get the same rights as a straight couple.. the definition of this union should be something like “a legal and binding union between a couple of the same sex”, no straight couples can partake in said ceremony. so my question: would that appease the gay community? or is it really about having their relationship accepted and blessed by God and the religious community?

  19. #19 by springroll avenger on 08 August 2009 - 4:50 pm

    @Ku’ualoha

    Nice post and great questions. I, personally, am not interested in having my marriage blessed by God. I am not a Christian. However, all marriages (and divorces) are civil contracts regulated by the state – a secular body. If you believe gay couples should have civil unions with the same rights, you are essentially saying that it is okay for the state to have two separate categories for the same rights on the sole basis of gender. As someone who has fought for Civil Unions in Hawaii, I have come to realize that many of the church’s DO NOT want gays and lesbians to have their own separate category. The excuses are…”these are special rights,” or “they exclude heterosexuals,” or, when a compromise is offered that includes heterosexuals, the church is opposed to it because it creates two separate categories for the same rights for heterosexuals! In truth, there’s no appeasing fundamentalists, even with civil unions. Even the Supreme Court recognizes that separate but equal is a sham. About marriage and the church… no church is legally required to marry gay couples — this is the biggest paranoia tactic out there. However, there are many gay Christians who can find a church that will marry them. If you believe that we are all sinners, why would God bless any marriage at all? Divorce destroys marriages, not gay people. Isn’t Jesus a better consultant on this matter? I am glad the notion of “sin” has evolved through the centuries or incest, polygamy, prostituting your children, and stoning your wife to death would be legal! We cannot pick and choose to condemn good people without acknowledging how society has changed. Anyway, no church has to change it’s definition of marriage… but, in the secular realm, a “marriage” is merely a piece of paper – a legally-binding contract between two people. The state, however, has no right to deny a couple of the same-sex the right to enter into this contract.

  20. #20 by springroll avenger on 08 August 2009 - 5:09 pm

    @Ku’ualoha
    I forgot to say…if you really do support Civil Unions in Hawaii, the movement could really use your support. But, if you don’t like the current version of the bill that’s been postponed until the next legislative session (it includes heterosexual couples) you can blame your Senators for that move – particularly Colleen Hanabusa and Shan Tsutsui. They engineered a strategy the day before the session ended to derail the previous CU bill (which made NO REFERENCES to “marriage”) and introduced an amendment that included heterosexuals. This amendment needed two days for review…there was one day left. It is not the gay community that is unwilling to compromise…

  21. #21 by springroll avenger on 09 August 2009 - 10:14 am

    Incidentally, the amended bill that made NO REFERENCE to the word, “marriage,” was, ITSELF, an amended version of a previous bill that simply referenced the word, “marriage,” to show a legal equivalency to Hawaii’s marriage statutes. This was to appease the concern of a certain group of folks (particularly the Hawaii Family Forum), who were “uncomfortable” with ANY mention of the word in the bill’s description or body, even though it was necessary to articulate the purpose and meaning of the CU bill. Instead, all instances of the “word” were essentially replaced by references to where “X” could be found in the “X” bill. How ridiculous is that? The degree to which the gay community compromised is astounding and apparently unacknowledged by most.

  22. #22 by PGJames on 13 August 2009 - 5:30 pm

    I agree that marriage is a right that all couples should be entitled to, whether it be between people of opposite genders or the same gender. That being said, I feel that, in the United States anyway, gay marriage should remain a states rights issue. Individual states should be allowed to choose whether or not they will recognize same sex marriages, as the constitution grants them the right to do. The Federal government should not play a part in marriage rights of any kind. The 14th amendment grants all citizens the right to equal protection under Federal laws, which I feel is clearly violated by only recognizing one type of union between two individuals. It would be better for the Federal government to not recognize any marriage rights than to discriminate against such a large minority.

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