Alright, so it’s not quite Thanksgiving yet, but I’m going to serve up some real turkeys anyhow. And yes, it’s Saturday, which isn’t the traditional Monday timeslot for Bad Baby Names, but I’ve been busy this week.

There were so many bad baby names this week that it’s hard to find where to start. I’m going to rattle them off in the order they were printed, because the last one truly is really bad. Not that the others aren’t bad, but hoo boy, it’s a bad one.

Right then, let’s go!

Aking has a lot to live up to, because he’s never going to become a king.

Kyzeah. It sounds like someone sneezed.

Tavyne is one that I’m not really sure how to pronounce. Tah-vine? I guess so. I pronounce it hor-ih-ble.

De’Ja. The name speaks for itself, it’s so bad. The name speaks for it… haven’t I heard that somewhere before?

Haylee-Love. Haylee is a fine name. Love, not so much. Haylee-Love is bad.

We all know where Chevelle was conceived.

Daycen-Kekoa is a completely unnecessary hybridization of a horrible name and a perfectly fine name. Here’s a tip: Daycen is horrible.

Trinady.

Kaysen. When I was writing these names down I put “(boy)” after this one. If I have to do that, it’s a bad name. Unless it’s a boy named Sue.

Heizyn’s name looks like Heinz, and I don’t think kids should be named after ketchup.

Zetta would’ve been better had it been Zeta (ζ), because Greek letters are cool. Yes, I did physics in university. My favourite letter to write is phi (φ), although gamma (γ) and eta (η) are up there too. Wait a second… I just did a search for Zeta and came up with this. Clearly Zetta is an alien in disguise!

Kysten. Again, I had to write “(boy)” after Kysten’s name.

I just noticed that Zaynen is number two of five in the Y brigade. I’m telling you this now so you can steel yourselves for the next three.

Sayde is, I think, supposed to be Sadie. Who knows. All I know is her parents are morons.

As are Ayzren’s parents. Ugh.

Xaelyn is just crying out to be Xælyn, which would have been infinitely better.

Reef clearly has hippie parents. Not nearly as hippie as Ocean Reef Butts‘ parents, but hippie nonetheless.

Dayvan’s parents must be Boards Of Canada parents. Dayvan Cowboy is a cool song, but nobody should name their kid after it.

And last, but certainly least, is Harvest Beauty Marie Sapphire. Told you it was the worst of a bad bunch!

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