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After last week’s bumper crop I suppose a letdown is in order. A letdown is what we got with today’s Bad Baby Names. Just your garden variety bad misspellings, really.

A few good examples of this is Elaynah, Kaelyn, and Raedyn. They’re bad names, sure, but not gut-wrenchingly bad.

A Bad Baby Name is definitely Legacy. It’s spelled correctly, but it’s still bad.

And today’s Bad Baby Name winner isn’t even the little boy’s first name (which is Landen). His middle name is Ora-A, which is just kind of weird.

Hello Bad Baby Names devotees! It’s been a while since I’ve brought you the baddest of the baby names, as I’ve been off on vacation for the past month. Luckily (or unluckily!) for us, the Tribune-Herald offered up the largest collection of baby names I’ve ever seen. This means that this week quantity trumps quality, but some of the Bad Baby Names are still quite bad.

We’ll kick things off with my favourites, the Y Brygade! There’s Shaleyah, Kayden, Shayde, Izayah, Mavryk, Kolby, Kyston, Blayne, Kysen, Jaydin, Peityn, and Gavyn. Their leader is the illustrious Shayden-Sione. Her parents missed a golden opportunity to have a double-barrelled Y Brigade daughter, though! Come on, it could have been Shayden-Syone!

There were two sets of twins born, too. Only one of them had bad names though: Passion and Patience. How precious. How sweet. How absolutely disgusting.

I have to think little August was named that because his parents are idiots and would forget when he was born otherwise. “When’s your birthday, August?” “Yes.” The jokes write themselves.

Little Beau wins the “I Would Have Had A Boy’s Name Had They Spelled It Bo But My Parents Decided To Tart Shit Up And Now I Need A Sex Change Operation” prize.

And today’s winner is Tullimwar KS Jr. Casio. That’s his full name. Note the awesome first name. Note the use of initials for the second name. Note how his third name is “Jr.” Normally “Jr” comes last. Oh no, not in the Casio family, they’re bucking the trend!

This week’s list of baby names was quite a bit shorter than average, but the Bad Baby Names were distilled down into whiskey-level awesomeness. Let’s get to it!

We start off gently with Damin. Not a particularly Bad Baby Name, but we have to start off lightly to get us in the spirit of things. This is why I’m introducing Tayden early as well. See, they’re bad, but not that bad.

Not compared to, say, Shelcey-Lyn or KaianaLee. Now we’re getting somewhere! We’re continued on our merry little path with Chassee (perhaps Chasser is her brother?) and Shaylie.

Can someone tell me how to pronounce either Mikeilah or Alajshae? Mike-eye-lah? Mik-aye-lah? Al-aj-shay? Stoo-pid?

And then we get into our Biblical Bad Baby Names. Passion isn’t particularly bad, but Exodus is. Why would you name your son Exodus?

To top things off we have Lizandro, which sounds like someone out of a bodice ripper. “Lizandro stood before her, his proud head erect, his leonine mane thrown into relief by the flares flanking the large doors. For one suspended moment, they stared at each other, love, hope, and remembered pain reflected over and over between them.”

The Bad Baby Names took a vacation last week — damn you Trib! Luckily for us they didn’t take Memorial Day off.

Of course, a Bad Baby Name post wouldn’t be good without the Attack Of The Ys, so let’s start this one off on the right foot. Khamryan gets things going in spectacular fashion, followed closely by Austyn. Cheyzen doesn’t classify, as it’s just a bad name to begin with.

I never understand parents who name their child after historical people. Surely they know they’re dooming their kid to a life of insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. I can hope, can’t I? I don’t hold out much hope for little Cleopatra, though. Poor little girl.

EvaMarie Natural, now there’s a name to get behind. I wonder what the ‘Natural’ refers to though — is her brother Jayson Artificial Insemination? Robert Turkey Baster?

Usually when parents double-barrel their child’s name, they use at least one name that isn’t horrid. Not so for Joeb-Zaiston’s parents though, they had to saddle him with two bad names.

This week’s winner is MaKoy. Either this girl’s parents are dyslexic Star Trek fans or just plain stupid. I vote the latter.

This week is a week to end all weeks. We’ve got crappy names, we’ve got cross-gendering names, and we’ve got straight from the hood names. Let’s go!

First up, the crappy names. Aaliya is a garden-variety crappy name. I don’t think they crammed enough A’s in there. Really. Following along in the “cramming too much crap into one name” tradition, we have little Anaizya-Marley Alize-Michie Aiu-Horie. And I left out the 23-letter middle name! This is, I believe, the first triple-double in this history of the Bad Baby Names column. Congratulations!

Next up, two names for boys that really struck me as girls’ names: Shaysen and Zayde-Jordan. I suppose Shaysen is how idiots would spell Jason, so that works. But Zayde-Jordan?

And then there’s Jetson. Either the parents are fans of the cartoon, the father’s name is Jet, or they’re idiots. My money’s on the latter.

But this week’s Baddest Baby Name is a runaway winner. There’s not even any contest. Introducing little Aiz’n Soljah Boy! Can anybody in their right mind explain to me why someone would name their kid Aiz’n Soljah Boy? It’s a fine name if you’re a retarded rapper, but they even misspelled his name! And their last name is Portuguese! They’re not even asian!